How to be a fish in the sea?

I guess this post will be one of the  bad day posts as I promised in one of the previous posts in the beginning of this term.
I am having some inner battle or maybe even few of them since couple weeks already. It keeps me busy and doesn't allow to get some university related tasks done nor enjoy time of not doing them. Every thought seems to be locked away from me. And I am not able to find the right key to unchain it. So, they keep banging against their cages and making unbearable noise in my head. It makes me deaf from inside and outside leaving me paralysed and wishing only one - to be a fish in the sea.
Yesterday during or in between one of the battles I found an answer that I am going to practice deliberately. I am going to stop this hard thinking and will switch to  the soft thinking (terms taken from chapter of G.Claxton  book 'Wise Up: The Challenge of Lifelong Learning'.) .
I am going to follow Rudyard Kipling suggestion : ' When your Daemon is in charge, do not try to think consciously. Drift; wait; obey.'
I am giving my serried monsters freedom to dive in the waters of mind and swim freely like a fish :)

Please, share your experiences and strategies  how you deal with your inner voices and feeling of being overloaded.


Reference
Claxton G (1999). Wise Up: The Challenge of Lifelong Learning. N.Y.: Bloomsbury
Available online from> http://site.ebrary.com/lib/coventry/docDetail.action?docID=10250934

On the way to "With Myself"

For me always actual was self-observation and self-explination. In that work I am searching for inner space, where I can be hones with my self and separate from the other world.

This work is questioner  or shifting between questions and answers. it is moment before formulation. It is recognitions, when you can feel question or sense about something unknown and exiting, which is  arising from unconsciousness.

Idea for solo came from my personal diary and it was the easiest part from this work. And as it usually happens idea formed from insight, which happened with me in one of the first choreography sessions.

However, the hardest part was transition from idea to a real practical work.

Frist of all, to begin my practice I stared with library, when I made research and found excellent book - A Choreographer's Handbook written by Jonathan Burrows. it was my assistant and my support to keep working on the solo, especially in moments, when I stuck. And that kind of moments was a lot. But how I  found for myself before - only difficulties are encouraging growth.

Following part was start to work in studio and how I wrote previous, spring-broad was sequence from choreography session.

Play with movements and exploration of movements was another challenge for me. To let go, was my thought, but how. And answer to this question I found in one of Placing for Practice in Context sessions. It was definition of Modernity - art for art itself and movement for movement itself.

PDP project encouraged me to start filming and noticing, what I am doing in studio for solo assessment. And it helped to notice, how I develop my work.

For development very helpful were opinions from others, which was given  in choreography sessions and  in studio rehearsals. I also notice that working with others, for example the studio booking with course-mates, is good way how to move and keep going.

In general, working on solo was tough and painful challenge for my, which stared to build up my consciousness, what it means to be an artist and what is dance as an art form.

From self-observation and many dialogs with my self, I found out that morning and evening, especially moments before total awakens or unconsciousness, is my time. Time, when I want to be with my self , separate from society, and at the same time with out filing of loneliness.

Solo performance "With My Self" 15.12.2010